Where's Your Refining Fire?

Eight years ago I stood on the balcony of my apartment, smoking a cigarette and thinking abstractly. Staring into the dark, star filled sky, feeling empty myself, I pondered akwardly out loud the question, “Is this all that life is about?” Over the next several weeks it felt like my life was on pause, this single question still hanging from my lips. I remember feeling overcome with hoplessness and defeat.

But God reached out to me and challenged me to learn more about Him. I eventually learned that God was not who I thought He was. To me, God was just another authority figure who had rules to control me and limit my life of fun and happiness. At this time, God just wanted me to see Him better and to continue on this path ever so patiently learning more about Him.

Now, I feel as if I’ve found Heaven, buried it in a field and walked away. I haven’t sold everything I own and purchased the field. And the only answer to the question Why Not? I can come up with is “because I am a lukewarm, consumer christian who lacks the type of faith Jesus REQUIRES”. But, that’s not who or what I want to be. God knows it, I know it.

For years, I have focused and spent my energy on things of this world. A good job (instead of being a good employee), higher salaries (instead of what’s needed), promotions (instead of promoting God), having good friends (instead of being a good friend), cool tech gadgets (unnecessary), my ideas that would make me money or fame or popularity (instead of my ideas that would bring Glory to God and serve only Him) and a countless number of other things that won’t last past this life.

I’ve got this desire to let the cares of this world go, but the other part of me says “that’s not very practical”.

God, I need You to get me past this, I need you to refine my current state. God, thanks for bringing me here. Glory and Honor to you, in your place and in this place.